


What'd you say, Lance?

by EboniObsydian



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Fevers, Gen, Sickfic, Sleep talking, Vomiting, absolute nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 22:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18600577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EboniObsydian/pseuds/EboniObsydian
Summary: Lance is sick. He sleep talks.





	What'd you say, Lance?

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "doughnuts"

It was well known in the Castle of Lions that Lance sometimes talked in his sleep.

What was even more entertaining was the topics that he tended to talk about when sleeping while sick.

On the last planet that they had visited for a supply run, Lance got hit with a nasty bug that caused uncomfortably high fevers, muscle aches, and nausea that was sometimes strong enough to induce vomiting.

Coran had assured the others that he wasn't contagious and after much begging and pleading from the afflicted, the paladins gathered in the lounge, after building a nest in the center of the couch ring and wearing their color matching pajamas, to keep their sick teammate company.

He had fallen into a fitful sleep while they were watching an Altean documentary and it was his familiar mumbling that caused them to turn it off and tune in.

“What's that, Lance?” Hunk asked. He was the current pillow what with Lance's head in his lap and arms around his waist. Lance had been mumbling into his abdomen. Gently, Hunk coaxed the sleeping man into rolling over.

“We're terrible,” he answered eventually. “So terrible.” His eyes were half open now but their vacant stare was indicative that he was still asleep. His face was flush with fever which was most likely contributing to the sleep talking. “What kind of friends are we anyway? We totally forgot! And fighting the Galra is no excuse. They're our best friends and we totally forgot!”

“Who?”

“We need to hurry. They're coming to the castle ship tomorrow, after all, that's what the invitation said. And what kind of hosts are we to not have decorations up and a menu planned? Hunk! You're great with menus! You of all of us should have remembered!” Lance had his fists balled and then he was pointing randomly and where the team guessed he thought Hunk was.

“I'm sorry,” Hunk humored.

“You should be. But, we don't have time. We've got to go to the space mall and get supplies. But not just any supplies! We need the perfect ones.”

“What kind of party are we planning for?” Pidge asked, leaning over from her spot against the foot of the couch opposite him and Hunk.

“Their graduation of course! Duh!”

“Of course, I forgot,” she humored, stifling a snickering fit.

Lance was quiet for a while. He had sat up and flopped over awkwardly onto Shiro's left side, eyes closed. “We need... we need... doughnuts. Lots of doughnuts... Not the small ones either. We need the big ones. The big brown and white ones.”

“How many should I make,” Hunk asked.

“You can't make doughnuts, silly,” Lance laughed while waving in a random direction.

“I can't?” Hunk was genuinely confused.

“We need floaty gas too. Gotta make sure the doughnuts stay in the air. And glitter so they' don't go too high. We'd never get them down otherwise. Have you seen the ceiling in the ballroom?” Lance dropped his arm heavily.

“You mean helium? How do you use helium to make doughnuts float in the air?” Shiro asked.

“You fill them up with it, silly! Unless you want to pass out blowing them up manually. But then we'd have to use honey to stick them to the walls because they won't float.” He frowned for several moments. “Or maybe we should use double-sided cheese instead.”

“There's no such thing,” Keith muttered from Shiro's other side.

Lance gasped, eyes cracking open again as he jolted upright. “You're right! What was I thinking! It's not going to work plus it would leave a nasty residue that not even the cleaning drones could remove. No, we don't want to use cheese.”

“Smart choice.”

“It doesn't matter really,” he continued confidently, folding his arms, “We're using floaty gas.”

“Anything else we need?” Shiro asked, shoulders shaking now that he was unladen.

Lance fell back over onto Hunk's lap and mumbled 'doughnuts' and 'gas' a few times, his eyes falling shut as he shifted to get comfortable. The others thought that was the end of it until “I can't believe they're having a baby already.”

“Who's having a baby?” Shiro asked.

“The Newlyweds. She must have been expecting before they exchanged the “I do”s.” Lance sighed. “We didn't even get to do a proper bachelor party for him. He must have felt bad or something.”

Hunk patted Lance's back followed up by running his fingers through his sweaty hair. “Want to get them a gift?”

Lance nodded. “We should do a baby shower. Mama would insist.”

“Boy or girl?” Pidge asked.

Lance snorted. “Corn babies don't have genders, Rachel. You should know that.”

Everyone stared gobsmacked at that statement. “They're thinking about naming it Nacho last I heard.”

“Why would someone name their kid Nacho?” Keith asked, brow pinched with confusion.

“What else would they name it? Taco wanted something similar to his name and Enchilada says that Nacho will take after Taco's blue coloring and not her white coloring so it fits.”

Shiro and Pidge snorted and coughed into their hands. Keith continued to look plain lost.

“If it takes after Taco, it's probably going to be a very ugly baby. I mean, have you seen Taco's baby pictures? I have.” Lance visibly shuddered. He then bolted upright, eyes half open. “We can't have cake at the party.”

“Who brings a cake to a baby shower?” Pidge asked.

“Some people do,” Shiro answered. To Lance, he asked, “Why not?”

“Burrito. Burrito will get it all over herself.”

“Okay, okay. No cake then,” Shiro assured, patting Lance's back.

“Good, good. No cake.” Lance leaned on Shiro again.

“Who's Burrito?” Keith asked.

“The Dachshund.” Lance looked dizzy.

“Feeling alright there?” Shiro asked. He wasn't sure, but it appeared as if Lance was even more flushed. Hunk must have thought the same since he was scooting closer and putting the back of his hand on Lance's exposed forehead. “His fever has gone back up.”

“Maybe you should wake up and get some fluids?” Shiro suggested.

“Can't,” Lance answered heavily, eyes barely open. “Gotta pay attention.”

“To what and why?” Pidge asked.

“The black pearls. They're dancing in the green pool and I was appointed the main judge.”

Shiro coughed. “Is he talking about bubble tea?” he asked the room.

“No!” Lance replied loudly. “And hush, you're messing with my focus.”

“Sorry,” Shiro whispered, trying not to snicker. The other three weren't doing any better.

After a minute, Lance sighed, eyes closed again. “This is so boring. Why did they make me the main judge? I'd rather be the one dancing.”

Hunk got an idea and elbowed Lance gently. “I could take over real quick. They won't notice a thing.”

Lance frowned, thinking, or seeming to. “No, no good. You don't speak the language.”

“Why are they talking when they're dancing?” Keith asked.

“It's part of the performance! Duh.” Lance looked offended. The expression was quickly replaced by a devious grin. “Pidge though, Pidge speaks the language. She could sit in for me!”

“I what now?!”

“Please, Hunk, my buddy, my man. Convince her to sit in for me?” Lance whined, clinging to Shiro's arm.

“Only if you wake up and come with me and get something to drink,” Hunk conditioned, snickering silently at how uncomfortable Lance's koala clinging was making Shiro.

“Deal!” Lance replied enthusiastically, nodding his head up and down, one eye cracked open.

Hunk was quiet for a moment before saying “Alright, she's on her way. Let's go.”

“Do you think he'll wake up?” Keith asked.

“About to find out,” Hunk answered as he maneuvered so he was crouching next to Lance. The koala wannabe didn't make a move to get on his own feet or release Shiro. “Are you awake? Can you walk, Lance.”

One eye still cracked open, he mumbled, “Course not, I'm a mermaid... man... merman. I don't have legs. Gotta have legs to walk.”

Hunk sighed, “Of course you're still asleep,” and with some gentle tugging, dislodged Lance from Shiro and easily scooped up the sick paladin bridal style, having absolutely no trouble standing up with the extra weight. Lance sluggishly got comfortable, his head coming to a rest against Hunk's massive chest. “It's nice here,” he whispered.

Shiro got up to follow the two wordlessly to the kitchen. Both of the walking men thought Lance had finished his talking since he hadn't said a word for several minutes.

And then Lance started to squirm and groan. “Lance, hold-” Hunk started.

Letting up a wet belch followed by gagging, Lance opened his eyes wide, staring at Hunk, hand over his mouth.

He was awake this time.

And about to throw up.

“Hold it, Lance! We're almost to the kitchen!” Hunk urged, picking up his pace while doing his best not to jostle his friend.

Lance lurched, both hands covering his mouth.

“Almost there, almost there!”

Lance couldn't hold back anymore. He forced himself out of Hunk's arms, falling to the ground in a somewhat controlled manner before puking to the side- violently.

Hunk was trying his best not to throw up as reflex while Shiro knelt down next to Lance, who had gotten to his hands and knees, and rubbed his back as the ill paladin brought up more sick with a few more heaves.

Coughing, he managed an “I'm sorry,” between breaths.

“It's alright,” Shiro responded. When he was sure Lance was finished, he helped the other to his feet and guided him to Hunk. “Go with Hunk and get some water to rinse your mouth out and also drink. We think your fever has gone back up. In the meantime, I'll take care of this.”

“Thanks, Shiro. See you back in the lounge,” Hunk replied, guiding Lance to lean up against him while he wrapped his arm around his back to support him if necessary.

Awake and fatigued, Lance groaned and rubbed his forehead. Hunk surmised that a headache must be building. He made a mental note to get some painkillers from Coran once they got back.

When they did get back and Pidge started another movie, Lance was quick to nod off again. There wasn't any more sleep talking from him though and soon the other paladins followed him into the world of dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> Short and dumb and purely means to help myself process some heavy stress that's recently come my way.
> 
> My little doggo girl has luxating patella and dislocated one of her knee caps on Sunday. She's been in a lot of pain and I'm doing my best to help her. But, it's heartbreaking to be the 'mean human' and restrict her activities and mobility so she can give her knee a chance to recover. The hope is that it won't need surgical correction and that with pain meds and lots of rest, her knee will correct itself. (the cap keeps popping in and out of proper position.)
> 
> \--update--  
> Doggo, unfortunately, needs surgery. She's scheduled to go in on the second week of June. She's not in pain anymore and can walk and run almost normally (she still favors the leg about 20% of the time), but the nature of the injury, if not corrected now, it will develop arthritis and cause her even more pain when she's older and would still need surgery to correct, but recovery would be longer and harder on her.


End file.
